Watch those blind spots

It’s a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn't want to hear. – Dick Cavett

This week was an interesting one: entirely too busy, overwhelmingly challenging and far too emotional. My previous blog entry was about making time and creating space for others to be heard. What, though, if someone is saying something that is really difficult to hear? What if they’re saying something about you (!) and your functioning?

Stretched to capacity and potentially about to snap were a little more pressure applied, I was faced with the reality of listening to a friend point out an aspect of my functioning that wasn’t having a very positive effect on others. It wasn’t easy to hear. But the truth is – I really needed to hear it.

Blind spots are part of our functioning whether we realize it or not, whether we like it or not and whether we embrace it or not. Those little things we do or say (or even think) that we're unaware of, or the effect of which we somehow don't entirely grasp. They're called blind spots for a reason - we just don't see them! We need someone else to turn our head in that direction and alert us as to what's going on there. The beautiful thing is this: inasmuch as we encourage and rely on those around us to do this, we are able to take corrective action, adjust appropriately and carry on growing.

I so appreciate the fact that my friend had the courage and grace to ‘say it like it is’. It brought me to a rather sudden halt but enabled me to see things for what they really are.

We’re all blundering human beings. Or at least, I most certainly am. Best I make myself vulnerable enough to allow those I trust to assist me along the way - especially when the person doing the talking has your best interests at heart.

Two important leadership lessons this week:
1 – Be brave enough to talk candidly when necessary. And do so in love.
2 – Be wise enough to listen when you’re the one spoken to.

Make time to listen

To listen fully means to pay close attention to what is being said beneath the words. You listen not only to the 'music,' but to the essence of the person speaking. You listen not only for what someone knows, but for what he or she is. - Peter Senge

I want to be heard. Of course I do. More-so, I long to be understood – even just a little. You see, I have ideas. I have opinions. I have dreams. I see things a little differently to the way you might … and I’d love to share these perspectives with you. It’s difficult when you give me the answer before you’ve listened to the question. In truth, perhaps I wasn’t even looking for an answer at all. Perhaps I was simply hoping you might be willing to walk a mile in my shoes.

Here’s the reality: my team feels this way too! Every individual entrusted to my care is asking for the same gift. It’s human nature. We want to be heard. We long to be understood. At the very least, we’d like an opportunity to have a shot at it.

I have the rare privilege of functioning under a leader who truly takes the time to listen and who intentionally makes an effort to understand. As a result, I am continually reminded that prioritising this one thing might just be the most important favour I afford myself as a leader. We’re all different – and beautifully so. To set aside my own frames of reference for a while and really step into another’s shoes might just increase appreciation of the other and create an environment in which team players are brave enough to risk a little more (professionally and personally). It might just lead to a greater sense of cohesion and belonging and hey … I’m guessing it’ll ultimately enhance effectiveness and lead to an all-round higher quality of work.

With so many strengths to tap into and so many different colours to draw from, what a beautiful canvas could be created if we only took the time to really listen and made an effort to genuinely understand.

I think we'd be surprised.

And so my frustrations pale

And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to death - even death on a cross! – Philippians 2:8

It’s all up-side-down
The way Jesus lead
No need for recognition
A crown of thorns on His head

It’s all in-side-out
The way He showed love
Without reserve, without restrain
An endless supply thereof

It’s too overwhelming
The way this King served
Creator of the universe
Washing feet of the undeserved

It’s too much to take in
The ache He endured
Separation from Father
Our freedom secured

Shamefully embarrassed
As my frustrations pale
Still I find His arms open
Every time, without fail

A leader of this sort
An impossible act to follow
So in another act of kindness
He comes alongside for each tomorrow

On all other occasions - give of yourself

There I was, in Spar, marvelling at the array of Jelly Tot options to pick from (when did this happen? Jelly Tots in the shape of tools, musical instruments, animals, berry tots, yogi tots … search as I may, I simply couldn’t find Jelly Tots – the original). The idea was to zoot in and out, buy what I needed and get back to this weekend's event planning.

And then, a hesitant nudge from behind – a gentleman asking if I could help him read the writing on the SALE banner below the Nik Naks shelf. And so unfolded an interaction that choked me up completely – I ended up shopping with Moses, meandering up and down the aisles in search of sale items which might enable him to treat his family to as good an Easter meal as possible.

Was he a chancer playing on my damsel heart-strings? I think not. For he never hinted at anything, never asked for anything … and was genuinely grateful when I helped him with the math. Was I tempted to contribute financially? Of course! It took every ounce of will-power to prevent myself from either giving him a R50 note or buying him an Easter dessert (strangely, I felt not to do either). We sorted a pretty decent meal for Moses and the smile he gave me at the end of our shopping spree will remain with me for some time.

Today I am reminded how important it is to pause. To bring one’s rushed routine to a halt long enough to consider the world around you. Look people in the eye. Smile. Never become so busy that an opportunity to lend a helping hand passes one by. Give financially – when prompted to do so. On all other occasions – give of yourself.

Today’s lesson is by no means related specifically to my role as leader, nor is it particularly profound. But, as leader, perhaps the ability to pause somehow becomes more difficult as responsibilities increase. Perhaps the profoundness comes in when one manages to keep a handle on responsibilities without ever forgetting that people remain forever most important. Certainly, leaders who manage this one thing, are among those I respect and appreciate most.

May I never become too busy to make a difference in the life of my neighbour. No matter how small that difference may seem.

Always prepare. Always.

It was one thing to identify the problem but quite another to rectify it. Every spare moment he had outside his official duties was spent on practising and doing exercises that he had been set. What those seven months imposed upon the Duke in toil and effort has never been adequately understood by the nation. – Of King George VI in The king’s speech | page 70

I have a slight speech impediment. Possibly not the best opening sentence to my first (and brand spanking new) blog, but it’s true … so I may as well put it out there.

Presentations, to the stutterer, can be a rather daunting thing (to put it mildly). And today I messed up. I wasn’t well enough prepared. I knew my topic (marketing thinking comes quite easily to me) but realized that perhaps it is exactly when I am most familiar with a topic that I should spend even more time structuring my thoughts beforehand. You see, how else will my mind know what information to pick from the myriad of marketing marvels vying to be mentioned, while simultaneously (and rather desperately) trying to navigate through the ‘struggle letters’?

No. I'd prefer not to feel this awkward again. This stutterer needs to be so familiar with the basic structure of her presentation that she is able to see it in her sleep. Only then will she be afforded the degree of flexibilty necessary to comfortably, and spontaneously, fill in the gaps.

Fortunately I needn’t write the presentation off as a complete disaster. Those on the receiving end were an incredibly participative, intelligent group who managed to keep the momentum going with their interaction (Team LDP – you’re fantasmagorical), but my take-home remains unchanged: Always prepare. Always.

Of course, this doesn’t apply to everyone (Dad’s one of the greatest impromptu speakers I know) but in my world – at least for the moment – I best forfeit the sleep before sacrificing prep time. And I’m fine with that.

On an exciting note, the rest of the day’s presentations (courtesy of Ben) helped me realize, once again, how very passionate I am about communication. She is, to me, completely beautiful.